Billy the Bully

Written on 10/14/2019
Mark Allardyce

Billy the bully. A total nutter. Dressed like the scruffy kid from the movie Kes. 


In all fairness he probably should have gone to some sort of special needs school. However, he was a danger to man and beast. This was the lad that kept bees in a matchbox in his pocket. Whenever he saw one on a plant, he’d pick it up and stuff it in the box with the rest, shake them up and listen! 


On this particular day he stopped me on my pride and joy, my homemade bike. It was a hand me down from ‘our Rob’ my older brother. But, it had on the handlebars an old AA badge from a car. He jumped out in front of me. As usual he threatened to batter you unless you let him check out your gear in his slow menacing way. He noticed the AA badge. He grabbed the badge in his fat, meaty fist. I held back a growing rage and an urge to punch him and speed off. But, he’d have killed me when he would have eventually found me. 


I throttled back my anger and spoke softly to the beast. He bent back the badge to and awkward angle to show off his strength. “Ahh thanks Bill, I’d always wanted it that way, but it was too hard to bend”. To which he called me a soft twat and bent it back to its original position. I looked saddened, but was aware I’d won. He looked me up and down, told me to fuck off and then went off to wreak menace on someone else. 


And the moral of this story is: ‘Live to fight another day”